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Sometimes I scare myself with my own negativity. I know.. "Then just think positively." Unfortunately, it's not that easy.


Today is one of my many 'kick myself in the ass' days. Every so often (roughly once a month at least), I get into a funk where all that I can think about is the royal cluster fuck that I've made of my life. I know I'm on the right path now, and most days I am pretty positive about that. Today was not one of those days.


I get so caught up in my "should haves" that I make myself physically sick. Do you ever just sit down and rattle off to yourself every grave mistake you've ever made and wonder how different your life would be if you had taken control of it when you should have instead of letting your catalog of faults overcome you? Ok, maybe it's just me...

There's a whole story to go with this rant, but I don't have it in me to tell it right now.

Side note: I need a new job, someone get to work on that for me...

Live and Let Shop

Perhaps it's part of my insomnia, or maybe my social anxiety, but I find it humanly impossible to shop for groceries before 2am. I can't stand to see busy aisles full of suburban moms weighing the nutritional value of the varying flavors of poptarts. My stomach turns at the idea of productive citizens who cut coupons and actually make a list of what they want to purchase. Methodical shoppers frighten me.

My people... I say, my people are the run down fathers who have worked a 12 hour day and have been sent out for formula because their crackwhore wives forgot to pick it up. My people are the young potheads who are raiding the chip aisle and carrying out 3lb tubs of potato salad. My people are the aimless drunks who can't fall asleep without that last case of Milwaukee's Best. My people are the exhausted boyfriends who have spent the past hour arguing with their girlfriends about the emasculating effects of having to purchase maxipads for her, and now stand mid-aisle asking themselves "is she on a heavy flow day, and what are these wings?" While the faces change, the people don't. Any late night grocery shopper knows these people, the various niches that make up the secret world of us. And, although we are all essentially strangers, there is an unspoken brotherhood among us. We know an outsider when we see one.

Tonight, or rather this morning, I was strolling through the lofty aisles of my local Piggly Wiggly, and I saw my typical comrades: maxipad-bitchboy, potato salad toker, and lush with bad taste in beer. We silently acknowledge each other with a yawn and a hollow stare, as per our LNS (Late Night Shoppers) code of etiquette. Then suddenly, She comes in. She is an early 30something in khakis and a lavender sweater set. Immediately She is recognized as an intruder, a flowbreaker, a far too upbeat assassin to our routine.

You can tell a lot about a person by what they have their in shopping basket, and frankly we late night shoppers don't buy cereals that lack marshmallows, meanwhile Hers had bran in the title. We don't go in the produce section for long periods of time, and if we do,it's merely to wander if someone else is on your aisle of interest (as a rule, we like to stay away from each other). She lingered and molested every granny smith they had before moving on to the red delicious.. Everyone noticed Her, and we didn't know what to make of Her. Sometimes we get new editions to the LNS crew, but their quirks are quickly revealed to us, i.e. young doctor guy who comes to shop after his 16th hour straight of doing something more important than most of us will ever do (yet he still has the good sense to buy Lucky Charms and not stick out), single mom with mini-van full of kids in the parking lot who is whipped enough by her own kids to fulfill their 3am fruit-roll up cravings, severely older men buying their hollow looking 17 year old girlfriends doritos and diet coke under the cover of night, and a lot of other easily identifiable freaks. So what was Her problem?

At first I think maybe She's just from out of town, just visiting and utilizing Her jet lag to buy some essentials. Then I realize She's wearing one of those godawful Palmetto tree necklaces that only locals wear. Scratch that idea. So maybe She's a nurse? They work late! No, She's dressed far too nicely and looks far too alive at this hour to be a nurse. I give up. I feel defeated; I can usually always pick out the grave malfunction that makes one a late night shopper. This Susie Homemaker in her sensible shoes has broken me...

I see Her head to the check out and while her branflakes, apples, low-fat milk, and other soccer mom groceries get scanned through I linger in the distance (as distant as the napkin/garbage aisle is anyway) and wonder. Could She really just be normal? And if so, what was She doing with us? As She paid, the security guard waved to her and said "Have a good one, Chelsea." (Chelsea? She's a Chelsea? What does a Chelsea do? What is wrong with the Chelsea?) So I proceeded to check out, and as She pushed her cart out to her Volvo (yeah I mildly eye-stalked her), I started grilling the security guard. "Chelsea's a regular, yes ma'am, a good girl that one..." This ancient old black man was talking slow and syrupy, not in the Southern way, more in the Biblical prophet way. And finally he said what I needed to hear to be at peace with "Chelsea" ..."...she's the best eck-zah-tic dancer they got at that there Diamonds Club" HA! She's a stripper! She is corrupt or marked in some way. She is the stripper houswife you see on such thought provoking programs as Sally Jessie. She is not normal! In fact, She is more bizarre than the rest of us because She hides her quirk so well. She's a misfit in sheep's clothing...All is right with the world.

Oh yeah...

I suppose I should actually do some introductory post. Hi. The only reason I started this is because I like to rant about things that no one really cares about. Therefore, I made this so I can rant freely and if I bore someone, it's there own fault for reading it.


I enjoy talking and learning about politics, but I'll be honest I don't know as much as I'd like to about the way our system works or the people that control it. I'm a liberal work in progress. I don't claim to be knowledgable or particularly intelligent. So, if you have an issue with anything that I say, know in advance that I'm not claiming expert status. I'm just a 22 year old trying to understand why my country is going down the toilet at such a rapid pace.

Altman's Stupidity

As a South Carolinian, I can't really say that I am surprised by the recent actions of our fine State House Reps this week. In fact, I think it should probably bother me that I'm not shocked and outraged by the fact that our representatives, particularly John Graham Altman the R-District 119 Rep(aka my neck of the woods), would rather pass a bill to make cockfighting a felony than pass one to make domestic violence more than just a misdemeanor. The red state mentality here is only getting worse, and nothing our idiotic legislators do can surprise me anymore. John Graham Altman is possibly the worst mark on our state since Strom Thurmond (And I don't care how "reformed" you want to claim he was... the racist old coot had a cold heart and deep pockets, which is all you need to survive in SC politics!). He's made a lot of bad press for himself lately, but I'm willing to bet it will not effect him come election time. Only in my city can we elect a man time and again who is openly homophobic, sexist, and is an even poorer orator than Dubya himself. Imagine the guy from SlingBlade in a nicer suit with a comb over, and you've got Altman. I'd venture to say he's probably hit a bitch or two in his day judging by the way he talks to women, including a WIS reporter who he called "not very bright" because she couldn't fathom the idea of protecting a rooster over a woman. (Silly her) Altman defends himself by stating that women shouldn't return to abusive relationships, no matter the circumstance. But I guess that makes it ok for a man to hit a woman just the once and get away with it, regardless if it's a love tap or she's beaten within an inch of her life. Basically, he puts the responsibility of not getting hit on the woman, and if she does end up beaten, well that one time was her lesson. Mind you he makes no mention of the fact that if a man hits one woman, odds are he'll hit the next one and 30 Days in jail isn't enough to break that in him. So every woman who dates this guy might get hit just once, but he might do it to 100 women, but that's ok, right? Yes I see the logic! I guess I shouldn't expect logical thinking from the same man who is trying to get my city to secede from the state for tax purposes... If you'd like to read up on Altman, let me suggest a few links: WIS Interview on Cockfighting Altman's plan to secede And so ends my first rant...